When It comes to your big day, you know you want it to be perfect. Creating the day of your dreams doesn’t come without some hard work beforehand, and that includes knowing the answers to some pretty common wedding questions. Today we are sharing the answers the ten questions we are asked by our clients all of the time.
Who Pays?
Traditionally the bride’s family pays for the wedding, while the groom’s family pays for the rehearsal dinner, incidentals, and anything the families commonly agree upon. Sometimes, this includes the reception, but not always.
That’s traditionally, though, and in this day and age? Couples are finding that *they* are paying more for the wedding, equally, and parents may or may not contribute. It’s no longer expected that one side does this or that, so it’s really up to all you to agree upon a plan. Just remember that it’s YOUR wedding, and if your families are helping pay, that’s lovely. But it’s not carte blanche for them to dictate the details. Courtesy says they should get say-so, but remember, it’s your day.
Who’s Invited?
That’s another tricky one, in that of course, you’d love to have everyone attend, but that is not feasible. The larger the guest list, the more expensive the wedding. Unless you have an open-ended checkbook, you’re going to have to make some tough decisions. Especially when it comes to plus-ones for your single-family members and friends.
Do I Have To Include Guests I Don’t Know?
It’s a given that our parents have different friend groups than we do. So, they may have some special friends who’d like to be part of your big day as well. If you’re cool with that, and you’ve talked about it with them, that’s awesome. Invite away. But don’t feel obligated because they’re your parents’ or siblings’ friends. If it is ever a money issue, be honest and share with your parents/in-laws to be often, they know this and will offer to help with the finances for the inclusion.
How Do I Tell People, “No Phone Pictures, Please?”
This is a BIG one! In this day and age of phones and devices being in our hands at all times, we think we should document everything. Since you’re paying your photographer a LOT of money for their expertise. It’s entirely acceptable to ask your guests to put their devices away. You do not want your professional ceremony photos to be filled with a background of guests holding their phones up.
If you are ok with guests taking photos another concern is posting to social media. Many couples don’t want the pics out on social media before they get to release them. Entirely fair and reasonable, and you can include a little note with the invitation that asks guests to refrain from phones/videos during the walk down the aisle and from posting online. Offer them sites that have password-protected options to upload all the pictures, and then it’s like an extra gift from them to you—that doesn’t mess up your paid photography or your privacy.
How Do I Tell Guests This is a Kid Free Wedding?
Who doesn’t love their kid? Who doesn’t think everyone loves their kid? Much as you may love all kids, you may not want them at your wedding. So, how do you say that, especially to your close friends? Let us be clear from the start: if you start making exceptions, you’re going to set yourself up for disaster. Make a kid policy and stick to it.
It’s okay to want an adults-only celebration and those who know and love you should be focused on you and your day, not their convenience and kid’s inclusion. No kid wants to go to a boring, mostly adult wedding anyway, right? So, just be open, honest and upfront. Yes, you love all little darlings, but that day? That day you just want adults only, please.
How Do I Let Guests Know We Really Mean “No Gifts”?
It’s tradition to check out a wedding registry and get the happy couple something. We also know that many couples already have a lot of traditional registry items, and honestly don’t want any more stuff. Simply communicate that on your wedding website and through your friends and family. Something you can consider as an alternative to a gift is a charity donation. You can let people know that if they’d like to shower you with love, they can do so by paying it forward to someone in your honor.
Do I Have To Invite My Co-Workers?
You might like to invite the boss, and a few friends, but worry about the rest of the gang. So, the answer to this is, you don’t have to invite your co-workers. People know that weddings cost, and not everyone can be invited. The only time you might want to consider inviting the entire office is if you’re in a small office and it would be very noticeable if someone was left out. In a larger office, it’s a lot easier to invite just a couple of close co-workers and maybe your boss.
Do I Need A Seating Chart For The Reception?
There’s nothing worse than getting stuck at a table with people you don’t know or would rather not be around. But, it’s also awkward to shuffle around the tables, looking for someone with whom you can sit and share a reception meal if it’s not already decided for you. These days, seating charts are typically more common at formal affairs. It is perfectly fine to perhaps assign table numbers, but not necessarily seats, so people have direction. You’ll certainly want to be purposeful about the table numbers, keeping friends/family/relative groups together so all enjoy each other’s company.
You want your guests to be comfy, so an open seating plan may fit the bill, but recognize that it may take longer for people to be seated, and you may find empty seats/moved chairs because people are sitting where they want. When you have open seating you have to plan for those empty seats and have more tables than necessary which means an increase in costs in terms of linens, centerpieces, etc. Check with the venue for their suggestions as well.
Can I Just Invite Someone To The Reception and Not The Wedding (Or The Wedding And Not The Reception?)
Never, ever invite someone to your ceremony but not the reception. That’s sort of like saying, “I want you to come for the wedding, maybe give a gift, fill a pew, etc., but you didn’t make the reception guest list cut.” We know, that sounds harsh, but it is what it is. Just don’t do it. If you want them at your ceremony, they get to come to celebrate you as you party on.
That said, you may just want a very intimate ceremony. We’re talking you, the officiant and your significant other. That’s totally cool, and it’s not uncommon to invite guests to receptions only, particularly if the wedding was family-only, or destination, etc. But, again, if you do have a large enough ceremony to invite guest, make sure those guests know they get to come to the reception too.
Your big day is full of question-filled planning, but hopefully, knowing the answers to some of the most common wedding questions will make the whole process go more smoothly! If you would like to chat more about your wedding day or event, give us a call!
